Life in death

Last night I came face to face with death again…

In medicine we see life. Life at its best and at its worst. Life beyond facade and pretense. We are spared no detail of the human experience. And I love it, I love the passion and the raw emotion and energy. I love the mix of deductive reasoning and gut instinct. I love this job. I feel as if sometimes I am one of the luckiest people in the world, to have found my calling.

But with the good comes the bad. This up close view of life comes with an up close and personal view of death.  Death is wicked and respects no one. It doesn’t care how old you are, who you are, what you did. It comes, and in some instances we can delay it and in others we cannot. People say you get used to death. You can grow accustomed to it, I don’t know if i ever will.When a person earnestly asks you ” am I going to die?”, it’s almost physically painful to be obligated to tell the truth.

I don’t know if I can not feel this way. Not pause and reflect on the life lost. Not review the scenario. Not think about the family and friends. Not think about what I could have done differently. Not think about how truly precious and fleeting life is. Not that this is something that will keep me from moving on, because when the code runs and adrenaline is high, you have no time to cry. You get into business mode and emotion is out the door.

In some ways, this pain and sadness I feel, make me feel alive. I feel more alive than some who just drone on in a superficial existence. I feel that the sun shines brighter,  and flowers are smell sweeter when you see life for what it is. My appreciation for life has mad my laughs come from a different place and my tears, they seem to seep from my very soul.

I will close by reminding who ever may stumble upon this, to appreciate life. Appreciate the people in your life. Thank them, Love them. Let people know how you feel and what you feel.

live version of a James Taylor Classic

peace&love

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About julian watkins
I'm a young doctor living in the Miami area. I try to live life to the fullest every day. I love music, movies, art, running, politics, books, traveling, pretty girls and cool looking stuff. I started this blog in Medical School and I'll try to keep it up throughout my residency. I'll take everything one day, one photo, one song at a time.

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