…Pensive…

I’ve known for a while that I have been entering manhood. Not in a physiological sense, more like in a mind body and soul kinda way. I think the major transition came with medical school, in undergrad i was basically nothing more than a big teenager. Not to abate my level of maturity, for the time and circumstances, i was pretty on advanced; Its just that now, as real life decisions and major events occur, I am realizing that what I have come a long way. From a pretty early age I had an idea of who I was and what i stood for, and after much growth I can finally say that I am pretty comfortable in my own skin. It took cutting a few lose ends and breaking away from old habits but I am finally at a that point where nothing phases me and I have a set way of being me.

What im so pensive about for this year is the fact that in this short first month of the year, i have seen and witnessed so many humbling events. My emotions have run the gamut of emotion, Be it hearing of the precitpious death of a loved one, the failing health of a relative, to the high of winning a scholarship and going home for a flash of respite. One thing is for sure, the devastation of the Haitian earthquake hit me hard. I have NEVER cried from anything on TV but i found myself teary eyed after watching Anderson Cooper report on the rescue of a little girl. Hearing her scream from under the rubble and seeing the pure joy on her face when she was finally freed, i will never forget that image, that moment. My heart hurts for them.

I already predicted that this year will be a big year, one that will play a major part in the rest of my story. As I even type these words I find myself scared, because of what may be. Earlier as I wrote about the potential this year has to offer, I must admit that I was only thinking about the good that could come, but after the month of January, Im realizing that the sun wont always shine forever and that rain clouds will come. I just pray that with whatever else comes my that I ,and the ones I love, can handle it.

Back to my starting point, this thursday I will be 25. And as I look at everything in my life, I realize that I have set myself up to be a major figure in the lives of my family and other people. My calling/profession will give me  a huge amount of responsibilty and it is something that I do not take likely. I know that this responsibility is something I want and was made for, I just hope that as thing go on and life keeps moving, that I can be man enough to stand up and be the authority figure/ caregiver /son / brother / husband / father / friend that I am supposed to be. Because sooner than later, I know that I will be wearing all of those hats and maybe a few more that I havent even thought of.

thoughtfully yours,
Julian

stuff i found today


This Billie Holiday song is magnificently sad

Carlsson C25
[pure metal sexy]

also found
http://www.daytrotter.com/
they have great live sets by a lot of bands… I could look/listen/explore this place for days lol